October 31st, 2006
Why David Hassellhoff is a multi-millionaire:

On his divorce:
"It's not as difficult for me as it is for my kids, but my kids handle it better than me!"

Only a true genius understands that statement. I'm guessing. Or maybe he's a multi-millionaire because he has a piece of Baywatch. It's one of those.
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October 31st, 2006

Brett has a subscription to Runner's World which I read in ten second increments whilst I pee. (What? It is while I pee!) It had a poll that asked what 5 celebrities the readers would like to run with. Number one was George Bush. I had no idea their readers were Republicans. Another poll asked which person dead or alive they would like to run with. After Prefontaine the #2 choice was Jesus. Ouch, Jesus! That's gotta hurt your ego, huh? #2 to a guy who couldn't even walk on water? (I'm assuming.) Although what's most confusing about these answers are, do these people understand the question was what person would you like to RUN with? I think these people thought they'd use this poll to just mouth off about who they'd want to meet in general. Because, was Jesus a runner? If so, those sandals weren't doing him any favors. The five celebrities picked overall were:

George Bush
Lance Armstrong & Will Ferrell were tied for second
Oprah
BIll Clinton

Will Ferrell? I'm done analyzing this poll. I'm actually just happy to see a celebrity list that doesn't contain Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton.
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October 30th, 2006

At 4 AM I got up to give harper a bottle of milk which I promptly spilled onto the floor. I was so frustrated I teared up. I then realized I was literally crying over spilled milk.
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October 27th, 2006

Jen visited yesterday. It was chocolate cake and pizza wonderful. Because we ate chocolate cake and pizza. I haven't done that in awhile because I don't want to fill Harper up with junk. But yesterday I said, "Who cares about that kid?* I want cake and I want pizza." You know? Anyway while we were eating lunch the ladies from The Office, Jan and Angela, were eating next to us. Jen was staring at the woman that plays Jan because she thought she was someone we knew. Then she realized she was famous. They got up a little bit later and switched tables. Jen thought it was because she had been staring at her. I doubt it. I never see famous people unless I'm with someone who is visiting. Except the other day I saw Duckie at Rite-Aid. I wonder if he minds that he will always be Duckie from Pretty in Pink even though he's on Two and Half Men which is supposedly a big hit even though no one I've ever met actually watches it. I bet he's glad.

While Jen was here Harper had her first laugh. It took two comediens 11 1/2 weeks to get a laugh out of her. I'm glad Jen witnessed it, but didn't cause it. I think that might have killed us.


*Just kidding! I love that kid!
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October 26th, 2006

Dear Alec Baldwin,

I love you. Please make a movie with Wes Anderson and make my head explode.

Thank you,

Natasha "Kim Basinger must not have a sense of humor" Levinger
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October 23rd, 2006

I just had this ridiculous conversation with someone:

Person at store: Do you know where we are?
Me: No.
Person: We're on Alamada. Take Naomi to the end of the loop and we're right there.
Me: Are you on Alameda or Naomi?
Person: Alameda.
Me: What's your address? I'll just mapquest it.
Person: 41 Buena Vista Street.

I got off the phone quickly. And I did go there. They're on Naomi.
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October 23rd, 2006

It took a year before I overheard a comment I would have heard every day in NYC. Man to a guy outside of Whole Foods soliciting signatures for an anti-war petition:

"Just wait 'til the terrorists come here and slash your neck. Then you'll be sorry!"

God, I miss New York. (Seriously. Although maybe not for that reason.)


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October 18th, 2006

Dear Studio 60,

I’m sorry to do this so bluntly, but I think it’s best for both of us if we just admit, it’s over. We both went into this with such high hopes, I was sure I would love you forever but I guess I made a classic girly mistake: I committed to loving you before I even really knew you. Let’s face it, I’m not having fun and neither are you. You’re supposed to be making me laugh, at least that’s what you said you wanted to do. But you’re SO SERIOUS all the time, even when you say you want to be funny. I don’t know, at first you wooed me with your witty banter, but before I knew it you were making references to obscure playwrights and politicians. Do you even read my blog? I’m not that smart. I almost used the word obtuse instead of obscure. I think what’s most upsetting is that you think you can do it all, but you don’t bother to reach out for help when it’s clear you need it. Studio 60, please get on the phone and get someone else to write the sketches. Juliette Lewis still wearing a retainer on Meet the Press? Juliette Lewis on Meet the Press at all? Nicolas Cage impressions? It’s like you still think I’m the same person I was in 1991. You’re not the only one living in the past though. I’m thinking about Sports Night while I’m watching you.

Studio 60 it’s time we both moved on. You go your way and I’ll go mine. Try not to miss me too much. But if you want to find me, I’ll be watching House of Carters.

Love,

Natasha



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October 17th, 2006
My favorite google search that led to my site:

john lennon had any idea that someday michael jackson would be deciding the future of his material if he could i think he d come back from the grave and kick his ass and kick it real good in a way that we would enjoy.
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October 17th, 2006

Brett had cut up some vegetables and put them in separate containers for me to take to party.

Brett: Do we have any twine?

Me: I think so, why?

Brett: Because I wanted a way for you to carry these containers to the party.

Me: That's okay, I'll just use a bag.

We both pause and then look at each other.

Brett: Oh, so you mean you'll use the non 1800's solution to that problem?

Natasha: I can't believe that just happened.

Brett: Were you just being nice, or did you not process how ridiculous a question that was?

I blame sleep deprivation for the fact that the question was asked, and for the fact that no, I did not realize right away how ridiculous that question was. I then could not stop thinking about how much I wish I had shown up at that party carrying vegetables in tupperware wrapped in twine.
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October 12th, 2006

Well I think all of us who were mad at Mel Gibson can forgive him now. According to eonline he told Diane Sawyer that he has apologized "more than anyone I know" and feels "it's getting old." Gosh Mel, don't go on and on like that! It's getting embarrassing for us Jews over here. Give it a rest, we get it, you're sorry!

I told Brett what Mel said and he said to Harper, "I don't know why Mel Gibson hates you, Harper. You didn't start any wars." We'll make sure to tell her things like that when she understands what we're saying too.
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October 10th, 2006

I haven't posted because I think I have become uninteresting. I just spent the last hour dancing in front of Harper to Rick Springfield and Beatles songs. So that's where I'm coming from. I've never been able to hold her attention for anywhere near that long though, so to each his own.

In other news I LOVE the new show Heroes. The only thing i don't like is that the writer of this week's episode's name is Jeff but he spells it with a "ph". As in Jeph. He sure can write though, so maybe he's on to something. He's on to changing fs into phs at all costs.
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October 7th, 2006
Various things

Harper got her two month shots yesterday. I thought I handled it pretty well. Oh, and she did too. Then we got home, she took a nap and woke up from that nap BAWLING and screaming at the top of her tiny little lungs. She was inconsolable for ten minutes. It felt like fifty hours. She was up every two hours all night wondering what we had done to her and why we were such terrible people. But she seems to be better now, thank God.

I've found a new singer I love: Joe Purdy. Maybe he's old news but he's new news to me.

Denise Lieberman, DDS has dreadlocks. I've never had a cat with so much hair she can't groom herself. I'm going to pretend that when she goes downstairs to her apartment she's smoking a lot of pot and has started a reggae band that insisted she stop grooming herself. She started the band, but she's not really in control of it. Or her dental practice.

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October 3rd, 2006

Before I write the next entry I would just like to say that I occasionally watch Meet the Press. And let me tell you, they've been doing the same story over there for QUITE awhile. You know, the whole "war" thing. So, you know. Even non culturally vapid shows have their downside too. Wait, I think my point was that I (sometimes) watch shows that aren't completely shallow. Or that I'm not. Never mind, I'm bored with this paragraph.

You people have GOT to watch House of Carters. Never has dysfunction been so unbelievably entertaining since Breaking Bonaduce (which is coming back)! They have everything in this show. A mother who pretends to be sick to get money from her millionaire son. Siblings who all physically abuse each other. A brother who dates the other brother's ex-girlfriend. What more do you people want? Seriously, tivo it immediately.
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