July 29th, 2006

For some reason I have developed a late to the game love for Letterman. I used to be put off I think by the fact that I thought he was a mysognist and had no female writers, but apparently I've chosen funny over feminism. In related news, I love and always have loved Bill Clinton. Here is a beautiful marriage of the two!


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July 27th, 2006

My friend Dorie is in a play, Lobster Alice, and if you are in LA you should go see it immediately! If not sooner. If you are the sort of person who likes to see celebrities in your play, then you should definitely go because it has not only Nicholas Brendon (the guy who played Xander on Buffy) but also Noah Wiley, from TV's ER. When Dorie was talking about doing the play I theoried that any decision that brings you closer to Clooney is a good decision. I, unfortunately, have not been in a position where I've yet to debate two things, one which would bring me closer to Clooney. But if I were, the stress of the situation would be alleviated immediately because I would know exactly what to do. Let's say I was at Whole Foods, or a rally to save the world, and I couldn't decide which parking space to take and then I saw that George Clooney was parked closer to one spot than another. I would definitely take the space closer to Clooney. I'm certain that this kind of decision making only makes more sense the higher the stakes are.

Go see Lobster Alice. It'll get you closer to Clooney.


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July 24th, 2006

As some of you know, about two years ago Hammy introduced me to online boggle, known by those "in the know" as joggle. I quickly became addicted. Brett and I completely geeked out by playing it next to each other on our laptops and I stopped washing my hair, got thick bifocals and developed a lisp. Well for some reason we stopped, I don't know why, I don't know how, but we did. About a year and a half went by and I decided I had to spend less time on the internet. I realized I was spending way too much time looking at mindless soul sucking gossip sites and it was, well, sucking my soul. My self imposed restriction on the internet worked for about two days when I remembered joggle. The good news is that the replacement of joggling for eonline has cut down on my looking at retarded celebrity gossip, but at WHAT COST?? Not much of any. But the best part was that I went to joggle, who was on there randomly who hadn't been on there since April? At the exact same time as me? I'll let you know through our message on the Joggle Message Board. (Yes, Joggle has a message board. It also has a chat room. It's too scary to go there for too long.)

Hammy
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!!

It was like we never had left. Since then we have revisited our youth of a year and a half ago and have challenged each other back and forth in delightful games. Unfortunately Hammy can't play at work so she can't play as much as I want her to. But the other day I went to the boards and saw this message:

Hammy
Good news! I have a kidney stone! I'll be joggling all day Thursday and maybe even Friday!!

Never has a kidney stone brought so much joy to so many! To any, really! But it's not all fun and games. Just the other day Hammy sent me this message:

Hammy
I just challenged Reneescottage. gona burn that cottage DOWN, Renee.

She comes ready to roll. I have to be prepared.
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July 20th, 2006

Holy crap I saw the worst commercial I have ever seen last night. I have seen many commercials blatantly objectifying or pigeon holing women in stereotypical ways (all women love shopping! all women hate sports but love cleaning! All women coo over babies and kittens!) but I have never seen it with a man before in this blatant a way. So maybe it wasn't the worst commercial I have ever seen maybe I am just used to the media tearing women apart. Maybe it was just shocking that they are doing it to men now and I should be be happy! I'm not.

It starts out with two guys in a supermarket. One guy is buying healthy food, healthy VEGETARIAN food, and as the cashier is ringing up his enormous slab of tofu he looks over at the guy next to him and sees that he is getting all meat. Pork chops, steaks, burgers, meat, meat, meat. Tofu guy looks at meat guy meekly like he was just caught cross dressing or liking babies and kittens, and leaves. He then goes into the parking lot and with a HUGE smile on his face his confidence returns as he gets into his...HUMMER. And the caption is something like RESTORE YOUR MANHOOD.

WHAT????

So now we are emasculating men for not destroying the environment and eating in a healthy way? It's GIRLY which is therefore TERRIBLE, to eat tofu and vegetables and be self aware about what you're putting into your body and the environment? Hummer's message: Be a man, contribute to the destruction of the environment. I thought it was a sketch! I couldn't believe that was a real commercial.

Oh my God I hate Hummers even more than I did before. That's too bad for Hummers because my hatred is really going to affect their sales.
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July 19th, 2006

If you live in the Los Angeles area and you want to feel good about yourself go to the restaurant Birds. The first time Laura and I went there the bartender (a LADY bartender) went on and on about how young we looked after seeing our IDs. Okay, maybe she was looking for a tip. And maybe she was mostly talking to Laura who looks 12. But last week Brett and I went and the hostess went on and on about how if she is ever pregnant she hopes she looks like me and she hopes EVERYONE is telling me that. (Seriously, everyone!) My theory is that the manager of Birds is high on something and when she hires people she makes sure that the new hires will help her keep her buzz on AND makes sure they will do that with all the customers. I appreciate it, allegedly high manager of Birds! I may start making weekly visits.
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July 18th, 2006

Apparently John Mayer and I have more in common than we both used to be in love with him. Well, he is still in love with himself and I've moved on, (sorry, John, get over it!) but the point is apparently we are both heartbroken over the cancellation of Huff. He seems to think he can save it by offering to do all the music for it. I guess the good part about not being a celebrity is not having delusions of grandeur like thinking you can save your favorite shows by doing what some people appreciate, but hey. It's adorable to watch egomania in action.
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July 16th, 2006
First Huff is cancelled and now this?

I just read this on eonline:

Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo telling MTV that the band is on an indefinite hiatus. "Really, for the moment, we are done," he said. "And I'm not certain we'll ever make a record again, unless it becomes really obvious to me that we need to do one."

How sad! I guess people didn't like the last album, but I really liked it. They may be one of my top five favorite bands. I'll miss you Rivers & Co.!

I'm trying to find other things to be upset about so I can pretend there isn't a war going on in the Middle East. It's illogical and shallow, but works sporadically.
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July 14th, 2006
An answer to the question: Is anyone in Hollywood not vain? (The answer is no.)

I was reading a craft blog and the person had a weird and funny anecdote in her "about" section. You wanna hear it? Here it goes:

"I once made about 2 dz pairs of pants for David Letterman while working at an apparel company. His assistant asked me to put a smaller size tag in them than they actually were."

Of course this is ALLEGED, but let's pretend it's true because that's funner. I'm wondering, how far does this assistant have to go to keep up this ruse? Does the assistant have to call ahead stores that s/he thinks Letterman might be going to to have the store lie to him? Have they gone to his house and replaced all the sizes for smaller ones? Is EVERYONE in Letterman's life in on it? Does this assistant have to stay one step ahead of Letterman's shopping expeditions to make sure there's no fuck ups? And what else does she lie to him about? Maybe that stalker of his was really just someone placed there to replace his pant sizes and when she was caught she was paid off to pretend she was a stalker! Being a celebrity assistant must be exhausting. Allegedly.
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July 9th, 2006

I was listening to the music on some guy's website that I stumbled onto. Brett asked me if I liked it and i said, "It's kind of cheesy but I'm prone to cheesy sometimes." (See my liking Matchbox 20 when I'm driving but not walking around, post. I have no idea how to link to such things or I would.) Brett said it sounded like the kind of music two middle aged divorced people would play for each other on a date. He then said he thought it was something Steadman, Oprah's boyfriend, would listen to.

I hope in the future that everyone is that specific when describing music to me.

I didn't really like it! Just kind of!
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July 7th, 2006
Grilled!

My amazingly talented friend Jason directed this movie that comes out next week on DVD. You (all SIX of you) should run to your local video stores and rent it because it's going to be fantastic. Here is the trailer to whet your appetite!


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July 6th, 2006
Hmmm...

I don't want to get cocky or anything but it seems like the Emmy nomination committee or whatever they're called (they're probably called that) chose their nominations based on my adorable and incredibly influential musings about what my favorite shows are on this here blog. Apparently there's a big controversy because they did it differently this year and in the process snubbed (overhyped, overrated) shows such as Lost and Desperate Housewives. Neither show was nominated, and neither show had any actors, save one for Alfre Woodward, nominated. But let's see who was nominated for best actor shall we!

Denis Leary, Rescue Me,
Peter Krause, Six Feet Under,
Kiefer Sutherland, 24,
Martin Sheen, The West Wing

Oh, did I come up with these myself? Probably! Nobody's come forth and admitted yet, but the facts are clear. 24 got more nominations than any other show! And Oliver Platt and Blythe Danner, my two favorites from Huff were nominated! And what's even more amazing is that I hadn't even written here yet about how I finally saw (most of) Apocolypse Now for the first time and decided I love Martin Sheen more than I ever realized. I don't even watch the West Wing anymore since my Sorky left but still I'm sure Marty did wonderful things over there. So, sorry to you Lost fans but next time make sure those Emmy nomination people read your blog.*


*I know only five people read this. Nate, Jen, Kevin, Brett & Arnie, why didn't you tell me what your side job was??
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July 2nd, 2006

One way I know I'm in LA is that Ed Begley Jr. has a stand at our Farmer's Market. He sells his all natural cleaning products there every single weekend. Even today when it was in the 90's and miserable out, there he was as we walked by looking for fresh vegetables, telling someone they could get two bottles at a discount. He was on Six Feet Under recently so I think it's more about his love of the environment than being so hard up he needs to hock his cleaning products himself. A couple weeks ago I went into Whole Foods and he had his little stand set up right there where you'd have to pass him. I kind of looked at him guiltily knowing I wasn't going to buy any Ed Begley Jr. cleaning products. It's probably my imagination but I think he gave me a disapproving look. I wanted to tell him it wasn't personal, I just clean so little that I've had the same two bottles of cleaning products for awhile, but that would have made me sound dirtier than I like to come off so I just kept walking.

The other way I know I'm in LA is that it's 90 degrees outside and the only way I would know that is because I left the house once to get fresh vegetables at the Farmer's Market. Al Gore would hate me, but I love central air conditioning.
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